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Notes Jokes & Quotes

Notes Jokes & Quotes

 

News Now Dubois County: With all the depressing things going on, News Now offers a little comic relief, interesting facts and inspirational quotes. Enjoy from News Now.

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Notes & Facts:

  •  “Long egg” is hard-boiled re-engineered egg, 3 foot long (1 meter), used by the food service industry that yields a consistent amounts of yolk and equal size when sliced. It is also easy to transport.
  •  ‘Roko’s Basilisk’ is a hypothetical, all-powerful Artificial Intelligence from the future which may retroactively punish those who had not helped to bring about its existence and that by simply knowing about the Basilisk (e.g. by reading this sentence) opens you up to punishment.
  •  Manly Beach in Sydney was named after the English founder of the city was impressed by the indigenous inhabitants’ “manly behavior.”
  •  The farther back you sit on an airplane, the better are your odds of survival in the event of a crash. Passengers near the tail of a plane are about 40 percent more likely to survive a crash than those in the first few rows up front.
  •  A planned sequel series to Star Trek, titled “Star Trek: Phase II,” made it into preproduction and had 13 episodes written before getting binned in 1977.
  •  A biker got a flat tire in the motorway, a man in a van stopped to help him and decided to carry the bike in the van. Minutes after departing the man suffered a stroke while driving, the biker then performed CPR following 112 instructions whilst waiting for the ambulance and saved the man’s life.
  •  The potato chip was believed to have originated in 1853 when a chef had his fried potatoes sent back by an annoyed customer multiple times because the potatoes were too thick. He was fed up, cut the potatoes razor thin, and put extra salt on them. The customer, to his surprise, loved it.
  •  People often hallucinate after losing a loved one or pet, they’re called “Grief Hallucinations”. One study found over 80% of elderly patients experience hallucinations of their departed spouse one month after their passing.
  •  There is a light bulb in Livermore, California that hasn’t burned out for over 100 years.
  • In 1963, the US Military created an artificial ring around the Earth, in order to serve as a man-made ionosphere. The ring was made of copper needles and was used for worldwide communications in the case that the Soviets disabled all other methods of communication.
  •  A single salt flat in Bolivia contains around half of the world’s lithium.
  •  The New Jersey Forest Fire Service can summon any person aged 18 to 50 in their jurisdiction to help fight a wildfire or for use of their property in assisting, and it is a crime to refuse. The duties assigned require minimal training such as digging trenches.
  •  Vincent van Gogh painted “Starry Night” while he was in an insane asylum.
  •  The modern English word phoenix derives from the Middle English word phenix, itself from the Old English Fenix, which was borrowed from Medieval Latin phenix, which is derived from Classic Latin Phoenix.
  •  Steven Spielberg is the creator of the Medal of Honor video game series.
  •  King Tutankhamen’s beard on the burial mask was accidentally knocked off by Egyptian museum workers, who glued it back on. The mistake was discovered months later.
  •  In 1992, a man named Archie Karas once went to Vegas, turned $50 into $40,000,000, and then promptly lost it all.
  •  It is the tradition in Sri Lanka for children to throw their baby teeth onto the roof of their house in the presence of a squirrel.
  •  Children who speak Mandarin are far more likely to develop perfect pitch because of tone association with words, and that one word can have up to four different meanings depending on the pitch at which it is spoken.

Jokes:

1. There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. (…Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke.)

2. What do dentists call their x-rays?

Tooth pics!

3. Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?

It had great food, but no atmosphere.

4. What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing, it just waved.

5. Do you want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I’m still working on it.

6. Did you hear about the fire at the circus?

It was in tents!

7. Why do ducks have feathers?

To cover their butt quacks!

8. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other’s a little lighter.

9. What does a nosey pepper do?

It gets jalapeño business.

10. Why should you never trust stairs?

They’re always up to something.

11. When does a joke become a ‘dad’ joke?

When it becomes apparent.

12. Why did the bullet end up losing his job?

He got fired.

13. What kind of shorts do clouds wear?

Thunderpants

14. I entered ten puns in a contest to see which would win.

No pun in ten did.

15. How do you measure a snake?

In inches—they don’t have feet.

16. Where does a waitress with only one leg work?

IHOP.

17. What does a house wear?

Address!

18. Why are toilets always so good at poker?

They always get a flush

19. Why is Peter Pan always flying?

Because he Neverlands. (I love this joke because it never grows old.)

20. You heard the rumor going around about butter?

Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it.

Quotes:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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