Local News
Notes Jokes & Quotes

Notes Jokes & Quotes

 

News Now Dubois County: With all the depressing things going on, News Now offers a little comic relief, interesting facts and inspirational quotes. Enjoy from News Now.

Please comment if you like this periodic statement.

Notes & Facts:

  •  Starquakes are pretty wild. They can register 22 on the Richter scale and have a 10-light year kill radius. Richter scale is logarithmic, not linear. A magnitude 8 earthquake is 10 times bigger on a seismogram than a magnitude 7 earthquake, but is actually 31 times stronger in terms of energy release. Better yet, the Big Bang is estimated to have been only 40 on Richter scale.
  •  Joe and Anthony Russo, the directors of Captain America: Civil War, said that they crafted the cinematic language of the film as if it were a “love story” between Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes.
  •  In 2012, the world’s first lab grown burger cost $325,000. By 2015, a lab grown burger only cost $11.36.
  •  Muammar Gaddafi died the richest man in the world, with an estimated net worth of about 200 billion USD. He was richer than Bill Gates, Warren Buffett and Carlos Slim combined.
  •  The Soviets trained dogs to serve as anti-tank bombers, but because they used Soviet tanks to train the dogs, the dogs attacked Russian tanks instead of their German targets.
  • Parts of New York City have a vacuum-driven garbage-collection system that literally sucks garbage through the pipes, under the streets to a central disposal location. It has been in operation for 35 years.
  •  The symbol “lb” for pound comes from an abbreviation of the constellation Libra, the scales.
  •  A college student aligned his teeth successfully by 3D printing his own clear braces for less than $60. He’d built his own 3D home printer but fixed his teeth over months with 12 trays he made on his college’s more precise 3D printer.
  •  Chef Gordan Ramsay was once doused in gasoline and held at gunpoint for attempting to expose an illegal shark-fin black-market in Costa Rica.
  •  On Universal Studios Florida theme park, the roller coaster ride Rip Ride Rockit has a hidden code system for extra songs the rider can listen to while riding.
  • Nasir al-Din al-Tusi, a Medieval Persian scholar, put forward the basic theory of evolution 600 years before Darwin was born.
  •  A 16-year veteran Police Officer of Mendham Township Police Department filed suit against his department alleging he was twice passed up for promotion and denied chances for overtime because he refused to profile young drivers for traffic tickets.
  •  The Ancient Greeks had a word, akrasia, to describe the lack of will that prevents us from doing something that we know is good for us.
  •  Ronnie Biggs, one of 15 robbers that stole $7million from a Royal Mail train escaped prison for 36yrs. Became a news-anchor, a punk rock icon, was kidnapped/released by MI6 and turned himself in at 69, only to be released after serving 1/3 of a 30yr sentence.
  •  Leonardo da Vinci is credited with inventing the résumé.

 

Jokes:

  • A wealthy man died and went to heaven. He was met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter who led him down the streets of gold. They passed mansion after mansion until they came to the very end of the street. Saint Peter stopped the rich man in front of a little shack. “This belongs to you,” said Saint Peter. “Why do I get this ugly thing when there are so many mansions I could live in?” the man demanded. “We did the best we could with the money you sent us!” Saint Peter replied.
  • A group of American tourists was being guided through an ancient castle in Europe.
    “This place,” the guide told them, “is 600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years.” “Wow,” said one woman dryly, “they must have the same landlord I have.
  • It was the middle of the night. Suddenly there was a loud rapping on the doctor’s door, followed by a groan. The doctor angrily thrust his head out of the window. “WELL?” he shouted.
    “No,” moaned the man. “Sick.”
  • A little girl said, “Grandpa, can I sit on your lap? “Why sure you can,” her grandfather replied. As she sat on her grandfather’s lap she said, “Grandpa, can you make a sound like a frog?” “A sound like a frog? Well, sure Grandpa can make a sound like a frog. “The girl said, “Grandpa, will you please, please make a sound like a frog?” Perplexed, her grandfather said, “Sweetheart, why do you want me to make a sound like a frog?” And the little girl said, “Because Grandma said that when you croak, we’re going to Florida!”
  • An elderly woman went into the doctor’s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth-control pills.” Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you’re 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?” The woman responded, “They help me sleep better.”
    The doctor thought some more and continued, “How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?”
    The woman said, “Simple. I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night.”
  • A secretary walked into her boss’s office and said, “I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you.”
    “Why do you always have to give me bad news?” he complained. “Tell me some good news for once.”
    “Alright, here’s some good news,” said the secretary. “You’re not sterile.”
  • A man dies and goes to heaven when Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates. Peter says, “You need 1000 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all of the good things you’ve done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item. When you reach 1000 points, you get in.” “Okay,” the man says, “I was happily married to the same woman for fifty years and never cheated on her, not even in my mind.” “That’s wonderful,” says Peter, “that’s worth two points!” “Two points?” he says. “Well, I attended church all my life and gave my ten percent tithe faithfully.” “Terrific!” says Peter. “That’s definitely worth a point.” “One point? My goodness! Well, what about this: I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for the homeless?” “Fantastic, that’s good for two more points,” he says.“TWO POINTS!” the man cries. “At this rate the only way I can get into heaven is by the grace of God!” “Now that’s what we’re looking for! Come on in!”
  • I told my cat that I’m going to teach him to speak English.
    He looked at me and said, “Me, How?”
  • On the way to preschool, a doctor had left his stethoscope on the car seat, and his little girl picked it up and began playing with it.
    “Be still, my heart,” thought the doctor. “My daughter wants to follow in my footsteps! “Then the child spoke into the instrument, “Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order?”

 

Quotes:

 

 

 

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