Notes Jokes & Quotes

News Now Dubois County:

Notes & Facts:

  • Research shows that volunteering 100 hours per year (2 hrs per week) is the optimal amount of time to increase your personal happiness.
  • Walt Disney hated the Goofy cartoons and only continued the series to make-work for his animators.
  • Canadian Thanksgiving predates American Thanksgiving by 43 years.
  • In 2013, A pig in Australia stole 18 beers from a campsite, got drunk, and then tried to fight a cow. –
  • The Doctor who said that the MMR vaccine caused Autism (Andrew Wakefield) was paid £400,000 to do so by a group of lawyers looking to sue the manufacturers
  • In 1974, a then-unknown Queen performed at an Australian festival to a mean-spirited, drunken crowd. Before finishing, Freddie Mercury told them that Queen would be “one of the biggest bands in the world” the next time they visited. When they came back, they were at the top of the charts.
  • A California prison inmate managed to get two boxes of staples, a pencil sharpener, sharpener blades and three jumbo binder rings in his rectum, earning him the nickname “O.D.”—“Office Depot.”
  • Texas no longer offers a special “last meal” to condemned inmates. Instead, the inmate is offered the same meal served to the rest of the unit.
  •  Tea drinking accounts for a high proportion of aluminum in the human diet.
  • Jean-Claude Van Damme’s epic Volvo split commercial was done in one shot without practice.
  • In 1974, a then-unknown Queen performed at an Australian festival to a mean-spirited, drunken crowd. Before finishing, Freddie Mercury told them that Queen would be “one of the biggest bands in the world” the next time they visited. When they came back, they were at the top of the charts.
  • A California prison inmate managed to get two boxes of staples, a pencil sharpener, sharpener blades and three jumbo binder rings in his rectum, earning him the nickname “O.D.”—“Office Depot.”
  • Texas no longer offers a special “last meal” to condemned inmates. Instead, the inmate is offered the same meal served to the rest of the unit.
  •  Tea drinking accounts for a high proportion of aluminum in the human diet.
  • Jean-Claude Van Damme’s epic Volvo split commercial was done in one shot without practice.

 

Jokes:

  • Scene: With a patient in my medical exam room Me: How old are your kids? Patient: Forty-four and 39 from my wife who passed away, and from my second wife, 15 and 13. Me: That’s quite the age difference! Patient: Well, the older ones didn’t give me any grandkids, so I made my own.
  • An exercise for people who are out of shape: Begin with a five-pound potato bag in each hand. Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for a full minute, and then relax. After a few weeks, move up to ten-pound potato bags. Then try 50-pound potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
  • One of my wife’s third graders was wearing a Fitbit watch, which prompted my wife to ask, “Are you tracking your steps?” “No,” said the little girl. “I wear this for Mommy so she can show Daddy when he gets home.”
  • I loved the dress that I bought at a flea market. It fit perfectly, and the skirt was a swirl of intricate pleats. I wore it confidently to an evening party and glowed when a woman exclaimed, “Oh, how stunning!” Yes, I was grinning from ear to ear, until she added cheerfully, “Hang on to it, honey. Pleats will come back someday.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Quotes:

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