Notes, Jokes, & Quotes

NNDC Regular Update:

With all the depressing news out there, NEWS NOW is happy to help you take your mind off all that and present you with our regular update called Notes, Jokes, & Quotes. Enjoy from the News Now Team.

 

 

 

Notes & Facts:

  • When a male penguin falls in love with female penguin, he searches the entire beach to find the perfect pebble to present to her.
  • New Zealand will deny people residency visa’s if they too high of a BMI and there are cases where people have been rejected because of their weight.
  • Whenever a pregnant women suffers from organ damage like heart attack, the fetus sends stem cells to the organ helping it to repair.
  • It is illegal to climb trees in Oshawa, a town in Ontario, Canada.
  • Brown eyes are blue underneath, and you can actually get a surgery to turn brown eyes blue.
  • When you blush, the lining of your stomach also turns red.
  • A bolt of lightning is six times hotter than the sun.
  • When a person cries and the first drop of tears come from the right eye, its happiness. if it from left eye, it’s pain.
  • Only 2% of Earth population naturally has green eyes.
  • Having bridesmaids in a wedding wasn’t originally for moral support. They were intended to confuse evil spirits or those who wished to harm the bride.

 

Jokes:

  • It was a disastrous year for the farmers. The snow fell and fell until the government relief agency had to step in and lend a hand.
    “It must have been terrible,” said the government man to a farmer. “All that snow.”
    “Could have been worse,” calmly answered the farmer. “My neighbor had more snow than me.”
    “How’s that?” asked the government man.
    “More land,” replied the farmer.
  • Q: How many archaeologists does does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: Three. One to change it and two to argue about how old the old one is.
    Q: How many preservation society members does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    A: One, but it takes a year to find an antique Edison light bulb so it’ll be architecturally accurate.
    Q: How many aerobics instructors does it take to change a lightbulb ?
    A: Five. Four to do it in perfect synchrony and one to stand there going “To the left, and to the left, and to the left, and to the left, and take it out, and put it down, and pick it up, and put it in, and to the right, and to the right, and to the right, and to the right…”
    Q: How many science fiction writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: Two. One to screw in the light bulb, and one to say, “In 1876, Jules Verne had the first intimations that electrostatic power was a viable energy alternative. Hitherto, the only sources …”
    Q: How many science fiction writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: Two, but it’s actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one’s shoulder so that they were able to reach it. Then a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, lightbulb, changer and all was blown out of existence. They co-existed in a parallel universe, though.
    Q: How many signal processing engineers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
    A: Three. One to Fouriev transform the lightbulb, one to apply a complex exponential rotational shifting operator, and one to inverse transform the removed lightbulb.
    Q: How many aerospace engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: None. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist, you know.
    Q: How many Einsteins does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: That depends on the speed of the changer, and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. Then it just might be easier to leave the bulb alone and change the room. It’s all relative.
  • To save money, I suggested to one of my grown sons that we all live together in one house. I could tell he didn’t think it would be cost-effective when he asked, “Who’s going to pay the therapist.
  • A frightened man goes to the secret police and says, “My talking parrot disappeared.”

    “Why did you come here? Go to the regular police.”

    “I will. I’m just here to tell you that I disagree with whatever that parrot is going to say.

  • Q: What is the difference between capitalism and socialism? A: In a capitalist society, man exploits man,  and in a socialist one, it’s the other way around.

Quotes:

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