Notes, Jokes, & Quotes

Notes and Facts:

  •  In 1785, Benjamin Franklin was the richest person in the United States.
  • A lychnobite is someone who sleeps all day and works all night.
  • Riding a roller coaster can help patients to expel their kidney stones.
  • The use of CAPITAL LETTERS TO DENOTE SHOUTING dates back to the 19th century.
  • The world record for the most bird species seen by one person in a year is 6,833.
  • One contender for the geographical centre of the U.S. is a place called Center.
  • Giant flying turkeys as big as kangaroos once roamed Australia.The US Embassy in Kathmandu has guidelines on what to do if a yeti is found.

Jokes:

  •  A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn’t even pay for your sandwich!”“ Hey, man, I’m a PANDA!” the panda shouts back. “Look it up!” The manager opens his dictionary and reads: “Panda: a tree-dwelling mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and whitecoloring. Eats shoots and leaves. 780.
  • A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn’t even pay for your sandwich!”“ Hey, man, I’m a PANDA!” the panda shouts back. “Look it up!” The manager opens his dictionary and reads: “Panda: a tree-dwelling mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and whitecoloring. Eats shoots and leaves.
  • What do you call a neighborhood where several authors live? A writers’ block.
  • Where do sheep get their hair cut?  At the baa baa shop.
  • An avid golfer was late coming home from his weekly game.  As he dragged himself wearily through the door, his worried wife met him.  “Honey,” she said, “How was your game?  Why are you so late?”  “Well,” he replied, “this had to be the worst, hardest game of my life.  Jack died out there on the golf course.  Just had a heart attack at the second hole and died.”  “Oh, no!”, she cried, “How awful for you!  He was your best friend!  No wonder you are late.”  “Yes, the ordeal really wore me out,” he said.  “The whole rest of the game it was hit the ball, drag Jack, hit the ball, drag Jack……”

Quotes:

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