Notes, Jokes & Quotes

Notes and Facts:

  • Until three million years ago, whales were less than 30 feet long.
  • 420,000 people die annually from tainted food.
  • 85% of Vakkaru Island in the Maldives is made up of fish feces.
  • 50% of US territory is under the sea.
  • England is smaller than New York state.
  • 1 in 8 young Britons have never seen a cow in real life.
  • After Korean soccer player Ahn Jung-hwan scored the goal to eliminate Italy from the 2002 World Cup, his contract was cancelled by the Italian club he played at for ‘ruining Italian soccer.’
  • Cuba bans statues of living Cubans.
  • The longest recorded marriage lasted 91 years and 12 days.
  • The record for the longest period without sleep is 11 days.

 

Jokes:

–  A man died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greets him and says, “Welcome. Come walk with me and I’ll show you where you’ll be staying.”As they’re walking along the path he notices clocks on the Golden Fence of Heaven. He asks St. Peter, “What are all those clocks for?”St. Peter replies, “They’re clocks for every person in the world. They click once for each time you lie.”By the time they reach where the man is staying, he asks out of curiosity, “I didn’t see any politicians’ clocks. Where are they kept?”St. Peter calmly replies, “People here use them as fans.”

  •  Q: Why are atoms Catholic?
    A: Because they have mass.
  • A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, “Well it’s what Mommy calls me sometimes.” The little girl screamed to her brother, “Don’t eat it. Its an a**hole!
  • A bear is chasing a bunny when all of a sudden a djinni appears and grants them each three wishes. The bear, being very selfish, wishes that all the bears in his forest were female and instantly it is done. Then the bunny wishes he had a lifetime supply of carrots in his backyard. For his next turn, the bear wishes that all the other bears in his entire nation were female. The bunny wishes for a motorcycle. Finally on the last wish, the bear wishes that all the other bears on the whole earth were female. The bunny wishes that the bear was gay and rides home on his motorcycle.
  • Gas prices aren’t really that bad when you remember that you’re essentially buying bad*ss dinosaurs in liquid form.
  • If you lend someone $ 20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it!

 

Quotes:

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