Notes, Jokes & Quotes for the Holidays

Notes & Facts:

 

  • Christmas was illegal in the U.S. until 1836 as it was considered an Ancient Pagan Holiday.
  • British people say “Happy Christmas” because in the 19th century the word “merry”also meant “intoxicated” so they wanted to separate it from public insobriety.
  • The first plastic Christmas trees were produced by a toilet brush manufacturer. They used the same bristles, they just dyed them green.
  • The writers of “The Christmas Song”,“White Christmas”, and “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” were Jewish.
  • Jesus is mentioned more times in the Quran than Muhammad.
  • A Muslim family that saved Jews during the Holocaust, was later saved by Israel during the genocide in Bosnia, and converted to Judaism.
  • Sitting for more than three hours a day can cut two years off a person’s life expectancy.
  • If everyone in the world washed their handsproperly, a million livescould be saved a year.
  • Global warming ‘solved’ a land dispute between India and Bangladesh: the island in dispute disappeared.There are more living organisms in a teaspoonful of soil than there are people on earth.

Jokes:

  •  Teacher to a student: Please conjugate the verb “to walk” in simple present. Student: Um… I walk. You walk …. The teacher interrupts him: Quicker please! The student: I run. You run …
  • Talk is cheap until you hire a lawyer.
  • First you’re telling me to be myself, then you’re telling me to stop being an idiot. Make your mind up.
  • The say you should test your fire alarm once a month. I try but it’s costing me a fortune in houses.
  • A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
  • What did astronauts say when they found bones on the moon? The cow didnt make it.
  • They need to invent an alarm clock that automatically reports you sick when you’ve pressed snooze 3 times.
  • How do frogs kill themselves? They kermit suicide.
  • What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin’ Catholic.
  • If life gives you lemons, a simple operation can give you melons.
  • How heavy is a polar bear? Enough to break the ice…
  • Why do birds fly south for the winter? It’s too far to walk!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Quotes:

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