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Notes, Jokes & Quotes for the Weekend

Notes for the Weekend:

  • The Twister Game was originally called Pretzel.
  • While hibernating, the groundhog’s heartbeat slows from 80 beats per minute to 5 beats per minute.
  • A 2018 law in France allows citizens to make mistakes in good faith on documents without being punished.
  • The shooting of Lee Harvey Oswald, the man accused of killing U.S. President John F. Kennedy, was the first known human killing seen live on TV.
  • There is enough water in Lake Superior to cover the entire land mass of North and South America to a depth of 30 centimetres (12 in).
  • The album “Jazz from Hell” by Frank Zappa was sold with a “Parental Advisory” sticker despite being completetly instrumental.
  • The U.S. may have adopted the metric system if pirates hadn’t kidnapped the French scientist sent to help Thomas Jefferson persuade Congress to adopt the system.
  • Rock band Oasis were named after a leisure centre in Swindon.

 

Jokes for the Weekend:

  •  This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.He immediately phoned the police, who asked, “Is someone in your house?” and George said, “No,” and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.George said, “Okay,” hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.”Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I’ve just shot them all.”

    Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.

    One of the policemen said to George, “I thought you said that you’d shot them!”

    George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”

  • A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so, and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on very well. One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked if he could arrange a divorce for him, “Very quick!” The lawyer explained that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked these questions:
    LAWYER: “Have you any grounds?”
    POLE: “An acre and half, and a nice 3 bedroom house.”
    LAWYER: “No, I mean what is the foundation of the case?”
    POLE: “It is made of concrete, bricks & mortar.”
    LAWYER: “Does either of you have a real grudge?”
    POLE: “No, we have a carport and don’t need a grudge.”
    LAWYER: “I mean, what are your relations like?”
    POLE: “All my relations live in Poland.”
    LAWYER: “Is there any infidelity in your marriage?”
    POLE: “Yes, we have hi-fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound.”
    LAWYER: “No, I mean does your wife beat you up?”
    POLE: “No, I’m always up before her.”
    LAWYER: “Why do you want this divorce?”
    POLE: “She going to kill me!”
    LAWYER: “What makes you think that?”
    POLE: “I got proof.”
    LAWYER: “What kind of proof?”
    POLE: “She going to poison me. She buy bottle at drug store and I read label. It say Polish Remover.”

 

Quotes for the Weekend:

 

 

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