Notes, Jokes, & Quotes for the Week and Weekend

Notes for the Week:

  •  In Japan, KFC is a typical feast of Christmas Eve.
  • A guy is 3 times more likely to get a girl’s phone number if he has a dog with him.
  • 600,000 hacking attempts are made to Facebook accounts every day.
  • Nomophobia is the fear of being without your mobile phone or losing your signal.
  • You can’t cry in space because your tears won’t ever fall.
  • In its lifetime an albatross is believed to fly around fifteen million miles.  To put that into perspective, it is the same as flying half way to mars when it is at its closest distance to Earth.
  • In possibly one of the cutest facts, sea otters hold each other’s paws while asleep so they don’t drift apart from each other.
  • Some ribbon worms will eat themselves if they can’t find anything else to eat.  Amazingly, they can consume up to 95% of their own body weight and still survive.
  • If a baby stork is not happy with the way it is being reared, it sometimes abandons its parents and wanders into another nearby nest to be fed by a new family.
  • Mosquitos prefer to bite children rather than adults and prefer blonds to brunettes.  No one knows why.

Jokes for the Week:

  •  I had a dream last night that I was a muffler.  I woke up exhausted.
  • Why was the tomato blushing.  Because it saw salad dressing.
  •  A kid walks up to his mom and asks, “Mom, can I go bungee jumping?” The mom says “No, you were born from broken rubber and I don’t want you to go out the same way!”
  • Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
  • Why is Christmas just like the day at the office?
    You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
  • A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman.
    Boy: Why do you look so fat?
    Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me.
    Boy: Is it a good baby?
    Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby.
    Boy: Then why did you eat it?
  • “Give it to me! Give it to me!” she yelled, “I’m so wet, give it to me now!” She could scream all she wanted to. I was keeping the umbrella.
  • A man went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbor owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?” “Do you have any proof he owes you the money?” asked the lawyer. “Nope,” replied the man. “OK, then write him a letter asking him for the $5,000 he owed you,” said the lawyer. “But it’s only $500,” replied the man. “Precisely. That’s what he will reply and then you’ll have your proof!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Quotes for the Week:

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