Notes, Jokes & Quotes for the Weekend

Notes of the Day:

  •  On November 1st, 1512, Michelangelo’s paintings on the Sistine Chapel were first exhibited to the public.
  • Sylvester Stallone considers his 1992 movie ‘Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot’ as “maybe one of the worst films in the entire solar system.”
  • “King” in a snake’s name signifies that it preys on other snakes.
  • Every day, the number of people around the world living in extreme poverty (less than about $2 a day) goes down by 217,000.
  • Scientists discovered in 2015 that there are 8 times more trees on earth than we previously thought.
  • The speed of the wind has fallen by 60% in the last 30 years.
  • Dogs poop in alignment with the Earth’s Magnetic Field.
  • Breast cancer is one of the most survivable cancers over a 5 year period.
  • The Golden Gate Bridge uses the largest bridge cables ever made, long enough to encircle the world more than 3 times at the equator.
  • Larry King crashed into JFK’s car in 1958.  JFK said he’d forget the whole thing if King promised to vote for him when he ran for president.
  • None of the Beatles could read music.
  • According to Facebook, the weeks before Christmas are the most popular time for couples to break up.

 

Jokes of the Day:

  •  On Thanksgiving day, a little boy overhears his mom and dad fighting. He hears his mom call his dad a bast**d and hears his dad call his mom a bi*ch He asks, “Mommy, what does bast**d mean?” She answers, “Um, it means boy.” Then he asks, “Daddy, what does bii*ch mean?” He says, “Uh, it means girl.” Later that day, the boy sees his father in the bathroom shaving; the dad accidentally cuts himself and says, “Sh*t.” The son asks, “What does that mean?” The dad says, “It means shaving cream.” Then he sees his mom in the kitchen carving the turkey; she accidentally cuts herself and says, “F*ck.” The son asks her what that word means and she says, “It means carving.” That evening, the family’s guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner. The son opens the door to welcome them and says, “Welcome bitc*es and bast**ds! My dad is in the bathroom rubbing sh*t on his face and my mom is in the kitchen f*cking the turkey.”
  • My grandma started walking 5 miles a day when she was 70.  It’s been 10 years and we have no idea where she is.
  • Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes.  That way, you’re a mile away and you have his shoes.
  • Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel prize?  Because he was outstanding in his field.
  • Never raise your hands to your kids.  It leaves your groin unprotected.
  • I forgot to pay my exorcist, so I ended up getting repossessed
  • I wish my first word was “quote”, so right before I die I could say “un quote”.
  • What is a fruit that can’t get married?  Cantaloupe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Quotes of the Day:

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