Notes, Jokes & Quotes of the Day for Friday

Notes of the Day:

  • Q: What indestructible hero was beaten to death by Doomsday in a much hyped DC comic series?  A: Superman.
  • What outdoor apparel store was founded in 1912 by a man whose first and middle name were Leon Leonwood.  A: L.L. Bean.
  • What was the first human made object to break the sound barrier.  A:  The Whip.
  • A study says 13.9 Million people call in sick or arrive late to work the day after the Super Bowl.
  • The Nazis are believed to have sterilised 400,000 Germans deemed to have lives not worth living.
  • There cities of Jericho, Luxor, Damascus, Byblos and Beirut have been continuously inhabited for more than 5,000 years.

Jokes of the Day:

  •  Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.  They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.  The angel said “unfortunately, there’s only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted”.  The angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.  Dolly took off her top and said, “Look at these, they are the most perfect breasts God ever created and I’m sure it will please God to be able to see them every day for eternity”.  The angel thanked Dolly and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.  The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushed it without saying a word.  The angel immediately said, “Ok, your Majesty, you may to into Heaven”.  Dolly was outraged and asked “What was that all about?  I showed you two of God’s own perfect creations and you turned me down.   She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven!”   “Sorry, Dolly”, said the angel.  “But even in Heaven a royal flush beats a pair – no matter how big they are.”
  • How to be Insulting in Church: Arrive late for any service and arrive noisily. Forget at least one, if not both books, and try to make others stand up while you go back for the ones you need.
  • A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: “Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?” The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn’t know what “food” meant. In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what “honest” meant. In Western Europe they didn’t know what “shortage” meant. In China they didn’t know what “opinion” meant. In the Middle East they didn’t know what “solution” meant. In South America they didn’t know what “please” meant. And in the USA they didn’t know what “the rest of the world” meant.

Quotes of the Day:

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