Notes, Jokes & Quotes of the Day Saturday/Sunday

Notes, Jokes, & Quotes of the Day:

  • In 2017 more people were killed from injuries caused by taking a selfie than by shark attack.
  • The top six foods that make you fart are beans, corn, bell peppers, cauliflower, cabbage and milk.
  • A sheep, a duck and a rooster were the first passengers in a hot air balloon in 1783.
  • A swarm of 20,000 bees followed a car for two days because their Queen was stuck inside.
  • Nearly 3% of the ice in Antarctic glaciers is penguin urine.
  • Hewlett-Packard’s name was decided in a coin toss in 1939.

 

Jokes of the Day:

  • You know you are getting old when happy hour means nap time.
  • There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don’t forget. They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. “You might want to write it down,” she said. The husband said, “No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream.” She then told her husband she wanted a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. “Write it down,” she told him, and again he said, “No, no, I can remember: you want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream.” Then the old lady said she wants a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top. “Write it down,” she told her husband and again he said, “No, I got it. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top.” So he goes to get the ice cream and spends an unusually long time in the kitchen, over 30 minutes. He comes out to his wife and hands her a plate of eggs and bacon. The old wife stares at the plate for a moment, then looks at her husband and asks, “Where’s the toast?”
  • A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in. “So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog. “I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.” The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?” The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”

 

Quotes of the Day:

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