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Notes, Jokes & Quotes for Monday/Tuesday

Notes of the Day:

Today’s Birthdays

  • 1951 – Dan Fogelberg
    1912 – Ben Hogan
  • Russell Crowe turned down the role of Morpheus in The Matrix.
  • The Dutch army had only one tank during WWII.
  • Most Americans can buy an AR-15 rifle before they can legally buy a beer.
  • Japanese manufacture Toto built a motorcycle that runs on poop.
  • Porsche’s first car, in 1898, was electric.
  • A nurse in Italy was accused in 2014 of killing 38 patients because she thought they were “annoying.”
  • The Mayor of Bogotá, Colombia, once hired 420 mimes artists to make fun of traffic violators because he believes Colombians fear ridicule more than being fined.

Jokes of the Day:

  • Q: How do trees access the internet?
    A: They log in.
  • Fred: “Why do elephants wear red nail polish?”
    Bob: “I don’t know, why?”
    Fred: “To hide in cherry trees.”
    Bob: “But I’ve never seen an elephant in a cherry tree.”
    Fred: “See, it works.”
  • Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions. The first guy says, “I’m a YUPPIE. You know, young, urban, professional.” The second guy says, “I’m a DINK. You know, double income, no kids.” The third guy says, “I’m a RUB. You know, rich urban biker.” They turn to the woman and ask, “So what are you?” The woman replies, “I’m a WIFE. You know – Wash, Iron, take care of my Idiot Husband, Etc.”
  • Q: Where do crazy people travel through the forest?
    A: The psycho path.
  • Two hunters are out in the forest when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls 911 and gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”

Quotes of the Day:

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