Notes, Jokes & Quotes of the Day – Tuesday

Notes of the Day:

  • In 2011 a man killed his wife inside the Walmart she was working at.  Rather than close the store, they chose to just rope off the gore-splattered area while police investigated.
  • In 2006 the FBI planted an informant pretending to be a radical Muslim in a mosque, and the Muslims in the mosque reported him to the FBI.
  • The number of Chinese killed by Japanese during WW2 is greater than the number of Jews killed in the Holocaust.
  • Lions can jump as far as about 36 feet.

Jokes of the Day:

  • A father passing by his son’s bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, “Dad.” With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands…”Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.
    I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.
    But it’s not only the passion, Dad. She’s pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
    Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
    In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!
    Don’t worry, Dad. I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
    Love, your son, Joshua.
    P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Jason’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that’s on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home!
  • Q: What did the math book say to its therapist? A: I’ve got a lot of problems.
  • Q: Why did the girl wear glasses in math class?
    A: It improves di-vision.

Quotes of the Day:

 

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